Sometimes Silence Speaks Volumes!

Dear Beloved,

Has there ever been a time in your life where there were simply no words to express what you were thinking or how you felt?  I think that most of us come across this period of time? Why? Maybe these are the lessons that we are not supposed to oppose and just watch.  Maybe the lesson is what it is and no matter what you say, what you do or what you think you will end up in that same place, so you simply must take the lesson for what it is.  These are the toughest lessons for me.  Why? Because I don’t like to learn them.  Why? Because they don’t feel good.  Why? Because for me it takes a great deal of understanding to make me see what the lesson really is and not just the superficial part of it.

So, the lesson for me was that people are going to do what they have the power to do and it simply doesn’t matter if it is right or wrong. It simply doesn’t matter how it affects others and it simply doesn’t matter if it is the best thing to do ethically or not.  Growing up in a Christian household we were taught to always believe that God would fight your battles and that God was the only one to take revenge.  This was instilled in us just as adamantly as brushing our teeth.  I took that lesson for a long time and I worked with it and I believed it.  Something happened to me one day though and I couldn’t help but question God and ask him why.  I didn’t get an answer timely and as the ball continued to roll in this set of events I wondered how one person could have so much power over another person’s life and wellbeing.  Ok, I admit it.  I’m a control freak.  I like to know how things are going and where things are going and when I don’t it does not make for a happy me.  Well, I kept believing that God was going to do something big in my life and that this person was not going to be able to control my destiny.  I kept believing that if I kept on down my road of determination and destination that I would surely make it to the grand finale of an ending that I had in mind for myself.  Well, I would like to tell you that is what happened.  I would like to tell you that God gave me this grand revelation and that all was well.  I would like to tell you that the plans that this person had for me did not happen.  I would like to tell you that, but if I did I would not be telling you the truth.  When this whole thing happened it devastated me.  I fell hard.  My faith fell and my belief in self fell.  It was not a good feeling and I don’t think that I ever recovered 100 percent.  What I can tell you in truth and in honesty is that sometimes things just are.  People that are kidnapped and tortured don’t want that for their lives.  People that are murdered don’t want that for their lives. People that don’t have anything and wonder from year to year if things will ever get better don’t want that for their lives.  We can only be what we can be in our own depth of understanding.  If our depth of understanding runs low then chances are we will run low on things in life.  Why? Because our dreams are grander than our belief of achievement, you have to believe that you can do something in order to do it. Even after you have done it you still may say, “I didn’t even think that I could do it.” But something in you said you could and it made you try it and when you tried it you were successful.  For my situation I didn’t try to fight what the person had in store for me.  I believe that the fight would be fought for me and I did nothing.  What type of understanding was that?  It was a grand misunderstanding.  Don’t be misunderstood.  If you don’t fight for yourself who will?

Amen