Dear Beloved,
Today I had a talk with a sister. I call her a sister not because we have the same parents or not as a slang phrase for a woman of the same race as myself. I call her sister because we are more alike then we are different. The words that we shared opened my eyes. I have always been a person that people come to in confidence and sometimes to my surprise they tell me their deepest secrets, thoughts, circumstances, stumbling blocks and challenges. In the beginning I would wonder why these women would choose me and what the heck I was supposed to do to help them since I seemed to always have my own set of issues that needed addressing. I never closed a door, I never not answered the phone, I never ignored an email, but instead I opened my heart to these women and I listened intently. Some of these people would persecute me to their friends or family, talk about me after I had been up with them all night, ridicule me when they thought I was not aware and even dismiss me as though they had never known me at all. I did this for over fifteen years and I never complained, spread a rumor, lied on these women, pointed a finger, judged or challenged them on their positions concerning me. Why? I didn’t know then, but something wouldn’t let me. Many times I wanted to slap the hell out of one any one of them and dare them to raise a hand, but I did not. I would see these women at church or in social circles and I would hear their whispers and wonder what gave them the right, but I never approached them. Why? I knew that it was bigger than them, but I didn’t know why or how. I knew that the great I AM needed me at those moments. Many times in church I would preach or testify and say if you need someone God, here I am send me. Many times we say this stuff or hear this stuff and we don’t get the real just of it. Well, that was me. I was saying it, but I really didn’t get it. One day it hit me like a boulder. Another sister needed me. I had dreamt of her and her situation and all that I had been shown was confirmed via a phone call. I wasted no time. I got in my car and I went to her. This same sister had done so many of the things I just told you about. When I got to her house I asked myself why I was there. Why are you doing this? She wouldn’t do it for you. Why would you put yourself out for her? She wouldn’t do it for you. Then spirit moved me from self and put me in the place that I needed to be in. I went to her, listened, didn’t judge, spoke, didn’t accuse, counseled, didn’t lecture and I went home. I cried all the way home wondering why I had spent my day doing this. Wondering when someone was going to come see about me. I need help too. I need love too. I need someone to talk with too. I heard it right then and right there, “ I have never left you.” I almost killed my fool self trying to see who was in my car. Then I heard it again, “you are my voice and through you I will speak my truth.” My chest became so tight. Now the tears were for a different reason. God had chosen me to be his messenger and instead of being grateful I was crying about a day I considered wasted. It was at that moment that I recorded that day in my mind and I said I would never forget it. I Am just who God made me to be and he cannot do for me what he cannot do through me.
When I started going back to church the last time many people thought it was because of a friendship, but it was not. I was called for a time and a season. I needed to deliver a message and I did just that. I remember the Sunday that I was called to the pull-pit to speak. I had no idea what I was going to speak about. As I rose I said well, my favorite message is about the Shulamite woman, so I will speak about her. I got to the podium and like every time before I couldn’t remember anything about the Shullamite woman, that message or why I liked it so much. I gave my honors and as I did up out of the middle of the church floor appeared an alabaster jar. What the hell? On the jar was a scripture and a picture. The scripture was Matthew 26:7 and the picture was of one of the Princess in the church who had fallen ill and could no longer walk. Well, I knew then that I would have no control of whatever was going to come out of my mouth. I tried to control the message even after seeing all of this. I opened the bible that was before me and I looked through it trying to decipher what looked like scribble and I heard that refined voice that seems to tighten your boot straps and pull you from the top of your head at the same time and it said, “do as I say and not as you please.” I turned around and looked at our church leader, but I knew the voice had not come from him. I began to speak and the rest is history. I wish I cold tell you what I said or how I said it, but I don’t know. What I can tell you is that message was to prove that God does hear prayers and that prayers are answered.
I rarely pray for myself these days because finally I believe that God has me in the palm of his hand. Do I still desire things? Yes. Do I still wish that my life was different? In some ways yes. Do I still challenge that voice? Never! One day I drove 22 miles out of my way to get home and I had no idea why. The reason was because one of the church mother’s had forgotten her money at home and needed a ride home from work. I could not believe that I saw her. What a coincidence I thought as I put her in the car. Then the voice spoke and told me there is no such thing as a coincidence. What about the time my friends crazy husband stole her car and she couldn’t find it. I was in the bed sleep and sat straight up and started putting on clothes. My husband is sitting on the bed looking at me like I had lost my mind. I told him I was going to the westside because I knew where the car was. Did he believe me? NO!!! He thought I was crazy, but I went and the car was right where I saw it in the dream. Or what about the time that my I gave my father all six of the winning lottery numbers and he didn’t play them!!! Coincidence? I don’t think so. Believe what you want, but the great I AM will use you where you are if you let him.
I remember the last time I went to God in tears. I was so hurt. I couldn’t figure out why I was never made a teacher in the church. I was allowed to teach in someone else’s class, but I was not given a class of my own. I had a fit because news had made it to me that others had been elevated to teachers. I never felt they were NOT worthy, I just felt that I was just as worthy. I did this for three days and on the third day he rose; he rose up in me and the voice came, “I do not like to see you hurt. Why have a class with a few student’s when I have given you the world as your stage. You do not need man to call you when I have already anointed you. TEACH. No one is stopping you but you.” This time I went around the house checking the televisions, computers and radios. I know damn well I had not just heard that. Yes I did. That one took a while to set in. The next day I got a text from one of those women asking if she could speak to me about something. I let those tears fall and then decided that the world would be my stage and that I would counsel, preach, teach, heal, prophecy, whatever the great I AM needed me to do because he had given me my hearts desire on a much bigger stage then I could ever have imagined for myself. I will use it.
Today we thank the great I AM for the gifts that he has given us and for the opportunity to use them. Don’t allow people to steal your gift by putting you in a box. Wait for the voice because it always speaks. Let people say what they want because that has nothing to do with you. All you have to worry about is what God will have you do next.
Amen
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